i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.