Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Soap is not a condiment

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  (805): Soap is not a condiment http://tfl.nu/gm1k
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (1137)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married

  (214): View more from Texas

  What? They have three kids?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me

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  (512): So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married (214): What? They have three kids? (512): Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me http://tfl.nu/93bk
  Replies (20) Good night (1006) Bad night (6198)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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  (703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r
  Replies (31) Good night (864) Bad night (3887)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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  (661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o
  Replies (11) Good night (5707) Bad night (1230)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

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  (805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c
  Replies (13) Good night (1575) Bad night (5326)
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  (650): View more from California

  I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

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  (650): I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1mmo
  Replies (7) Good night (1646) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport

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  (952): I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport http://tfl.nu/ckgb
  Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (1561)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  "If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse

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  (301): "If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse http://tfl.nu/r0b8
  Replies (9) Good night (846) Bad night (788)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.

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  (502): Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol. http://tfl.nu/h6cv
  Replies (5) Good night (716) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

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  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (816) Bad night (435)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.

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  (304): Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about. http://tfl.nu/t5bz
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
  Replies (6) Good night (1310) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were serious about those bagels

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  (303): you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning (303): you were serious about those bagels http://tfl.nu/cmdj
  Replies (3) Good night (667) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.

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  (732): I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves. http://tfl.nu/qhy3
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"

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  (316): You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!" http://tfl.nu/ag1e
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (350)

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