I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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