Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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