Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
