I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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