he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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