help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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