I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard