Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
