I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
