how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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