There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
