There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
