No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
