I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
