I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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