i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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