I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
