You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
