Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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