if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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