that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
