i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
