She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
