dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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