Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
