So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
