I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
