Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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