Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think my vagina is haunted
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
