office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
