really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
