I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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