I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
