New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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