that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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