I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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