i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
