I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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