can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
