Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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