I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
