it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
