So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
