im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
