There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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