I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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