how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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