i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
