im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
