It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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