Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize