Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
