She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
