Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
