oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
