so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
