There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Randomize
