thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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