you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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