Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
