and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
