It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
