it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
