i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
