no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize