and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
