Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How naked do you want me to be?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
