I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
