I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
