Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
