So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have tasted many bathrooms
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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