I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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