The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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