She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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