dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
