Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
