they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
