Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
