Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
