btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
