He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need to sanitize my soul.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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