Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
