so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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