respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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