I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
